Monday, March 14, 2011

share the road.

i'm a fairly decent driver. i share the road with bikers, i let pedestrians cross the street, i'll even let in the occasional ass-face who waited until the last minute merge into traffic. you'd figure because of all my automotive "pay-it-forwards" i'd have better street karma...

negative, ghost rider. 
today those traffic gods were out to kill me. 

mondays generally suck for everyone. especially those of us (me) that have to be up at 7:30 to make it to their 8am geology class with Sleepy and Smelly. so somehow i managed to get my butt out of bed (considering i got three hours of sleep last night, i'm shocked i made it too class...but that's a whole other story) got dressed (my outfit today consisted of closest t-shirt in reach, gym shorts, and tennis shoes but since there is a sock monster in my house i had to go sockless. i don't recommended that) and run out the door. the drive was going swell until i got out of the neighborhood. in order to get out of my neighborhood you have to turn left, and apparently the soccer mom was too afraid to do so. i sat the the stop sign behind this chick for LITERALLY ten minutes...things only went down hill from there. my next navigational move is a right at a large intersection, no biggie because at this particular intersection you CAN turn right on red. clearly the jeep in front of me didn't get that memo. i sat through every single light change  before jeep even considered moving and even then they had second thoughts. i almost got out of the car to make sure the driver was still breathing. from this point on it's a straight shot to my 8am handicapped spot (thanks again grams). the speed limit on said straight shot is 45, not 25 not 35 not 40...FORTY FIVE MILES AN HOUR. the one day i'm in a rush to get to class no one else in the world is. after what seems to me an hour of hardcore maneuvering i make it to class.
(SIDE NOTE: both sleepy and smelly made it to class on time today; however, they wee both still sleepy and smelly.)

There is not enough character space allowed on this page to continue on with the rest of my motor vehicle encounters today, so here is a brief summary...
1. Ass-face lady, wearing a Michigan hat came inches from backing over me (i have a new respect for those of you at Ohio state, and your hatred of that whole state.)
2. 5 cars were moments away from clipping my poor little civic, but my lightning face reflexes saved the day. 

...then again i only managed to sleep 3 hours last night, so a lot of this could be my fault, but then again, if you look at it, really its boyfriends fault. 

so shout out to my boo, thanks for trying to kill me. 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

parking lots.

me and parking lots do not get along. me and people don't normally get along either. put those  two together, and oh dear Jesus, it is no bueno. so this morning i'm trying to park, and much to my dismay i forgot how stupid some people are. as i hit the second floor of the worlds oldest parking deck known to man, i spot a spot! i whipped around the corner so fast i swear i felt the whole thing shake. i get ready to pull my little civic in, and then i realize the DUMB ASS in the mini-van next to me is taking up her spot, plus half of mine...to top that off this biotch is still sitting in her car...watching me try and adjust myself . she then proceeds to get out of her car AND WATCH. after about five minutes of backing up and yelling i gave up and continued on my epic journey. Once i hit floor five, i'm starting to wonder if class is really worth all this baby mamma drama. then from afar i see it, in all its parking spot glory just sitting there next to the door to the stairwell and all. My heart began to flutter in excitement! once i get close enough to pull in out of nowhere this chick, who seems to be the lovechild of Troy Polamalu, Aretha Franklin and maybe a little Shrek...so anyhow this Shemale was LITERALLY standing in front of my car so i couldn't pull into the spot. she was playing the Defensive line, guarding this wonderful spot from me. TR-RETH-EK (this is what i would imagine her name was) was holding the phone to her ear in one hand, and the other one out telling me to stop. we was about to have ourselves a little parking spot show down, civic vs. mount rushmore...it was on. i started to inch closer verrrry slowly. once i got close enough to be within the parking lines homegirl starts to yell "oh my god white girl is gonna run me ova." i swear, those were her exact words...at this point i had no fight in me, so i surrendered to TR-RETH-EK, or so she thought. yes, she did see my drive off into the sunset but she also saw me call security on her. i ended up being late to my 9:30 this morning, but it was all worth seeing TR-RETH-EK, and friend get $100 tickets for violating school policy and disrupting the flow of traffic. 


life is good.