Friday, February 25, 2011

geology.

if you know me at all then you know i am not a morning person.
i don't normally function until at least 10:30, and that's on a good day. so this might come as a shock, but i am in fact taking an 8:30 geology class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. this being said i have done everything in my power to wake up as late a humanly possible on these days. i now have it down to an art, i can wake up whenever as long as i am out the door by 8:10. now many of you might wonder how i pull this
off...
DISCLAIMER:don't judge me for the following statement...
when my grandma passed away, she left me two things: her wedding ring...and her handicap parking pass. before you do judge me (which i know you are) i only use it for this class, nowhere else....i feel like grandma would respect that...


so now on the the real story...
if i can wake up for class, then i think anyone can. this means that the two guys in my class that LITERALLY come in late everyday can figure out a way to make it. the first guy, we'll call him Smelly comes in everyday at exactly 8:45 on the dot. Smelly sits next to me, now smelly wouldn't be all that bad if he just came in 15 minutes late everyday. maybe he works late, or lives far or whatever i could deal with that. No, he's 15 minutes late every day because he stands outside and smokes a cigarette then continues to drink a LARGE red bull. We all know the reason flamingos are pink, because when they eat nothing but shrimp they turn that color...well red bull and cigarettes have the same exact effect on humans. he REEKS of red bull and cigarettes , its like not matter how much Smelly bathes it wont go away. This brings me to Sleepy, Sleepy shows up to class between 9-9:30...class is over at 9:50. not only does Sleepy show with less then half the class to go, he shows up with NOTHING to write on or in, why take up slots in a class that you're indefinitely going to fail. maybe having to deal with Smelly and Sleepy is karma's way of telling me to not pull the handicap card anymore...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

thin mints.

i'm not fat. i am a normal person, i am a normal person that has been sitting on her butt for most of the winter because its been too damn cold to drive to the gym. i am also a normal person who, when it's warm, likes any aquatic land mass (except for the lake because i hate mud in between my toes) and also likes wearing as little clothing as possible on said aquatic land mass. that being said  i decided on Monday that i was going on a little diet. Nothing too crazy just a little less binging, and a little more celery. i have been doing awesome, no fast food, lots of fruits and vegetables and no junk i was really happy for myself...until today, when the door bell ring...around 7:30. i start to think to myself "seriously, i'm trying to watch Teen Mom 2. who the eff could this be?" i open the door, and to my shock stands a little girl, but not just any little girl. no, this girl was a girl scout. and in the girl scouts hand was a bag...and i bet you can guess what was in the bag, my worst nightmare. Thin Mints and Samoas. who in their right mind would do this to me? no, she didn't have the wrong house, no someone wasn't playing a sick joke. these cookies were for me, my mother thought it would be a good idea to buy enough cookies for the 3rd world. i'm now convinced she wants me to eat so many cookies that i explode  and so she no longer has to support me financially.

thank you girl scouts of america for single handedly undermining my entire summer.