Friday, October 28, 2011

crazy eyes are a real thing.

1. sorry i've been MIA all summer. my life has been a hot mess full of busy-ness (yes, its a word. look it up.) i promise i'll be better at keeping up with this. SWEAR.

2. Lets get into the real stuff.


There are many reasons i'm glad i'm not a man. i love shoes, i love clothes, and i love having a week of my life dedicated to judgement free eating, and bitching.  i also love being a girl because i don't have to date one.

WE ARE CRAZY. this is not a joke. anyone woman that tells you otherwise is a liar. BIG FAT LIAR.

i have proof. three pages of proof. i'm talking college rule.

BACK STORY:
i have this friend, for anonymity purposes we'll call her Tra'fonda. (good luck guess who, ha) she's like future bridesmaid kinda friend.  so, Tra, met this bro. We'll call him Bill. they date for a week, and let me tell ya the week went well...and then the week ended. you'd think being told "you're just too good for me to date." would call for a peaceful separation...FALSE.

the week ended in a hot mess let lead to a THREE PAGE LIST of things she hates about him. FRONT AND BACK.

i'll cut her SOME slack. the front side of page one is things she likes about him...but who wants to read that :)


  • -he hasn't texted me back.
  • -he goes off-line when i sign on
  • he said "liking me" wasn't the problem
  • he sweats A LOT
  • he never cuddled
  • he never brought an overnight bag
  • he wasn't crazy about taking pictures
  • he hated dancing
  • he said my food was decent
  • he always hung his towel where mine was supposed to go
  • i drank too much...I DON'T DRINK
  • he lives in a dorm...
  • he wears cargo shorts, EVERY DAY. who still does that?!
  • he didn't like my singing 
  • he wears his class ring, who still wears college rings?
  • he never let me wear his t-shirts
  • Dana Zimmeron
  • his longest relationship lasted 8 months
  • doesn't apologize for anything, even though its always his fault
  • he used the word "dookie"- the third grade called, they want their word back. 
  • he said i was a daddies girl 
  • he said i was spoiled 
  • he never rubbed my back
    • um in my book, that's a deal breaker... 
  • he didn't snore. what man doesn't snore?!
  • he loves cold weather
  • HIS EX IS A RED HEAD
  • it's now 10PM and no signs of life. 
  • the fact that he made me make a list of things that i hate about him
  • yelling at me for
    • parking in a handicapped spot.
    • not wearing a seat belt
    • hanging my feet out of the window
    • putting my bare feet on the dash
    • telling my my underwear didn't match
  • WANTING SPACE- if you want space go talk to NASA, or move to Russia. 
  • being a slack ass, jackass and asshole all at once
  • stealing pens. PENS.
  • not wanting an inside dog
  • eating liver mush
  • now its 12AM-no text
  • GET A HUBCAP
  • texting me and asking how my day went, then not responding
    • that's just rude. 
  • taking me home to his mom, AFTER A WEEK.
  • he smokes a pipe
    • is he 80...?
  • he talks about needles
  • introducing me to everyone in his hometown as "the one" 
    • IT WAS A WEEK LONG RELATIONSHIP
  • he texts other girls
  • taking 16 years to text me back
  • he proves everyone wrong, just to prove them right
  • he doesn't say goodnight 


And this folks is why we are all crazy. keep in mind this list was just after a week. can you imagine any longer?
The sad truth is we all have these same thoughts...if not worse.


watch out boys. i hope you know the big ball of crazy you're getting yourselves into.