Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Lady Drivers.

I look at myself as an expert on a number of topics, today I will touching on something I feel I am extra qualified to comment on. Lady Drivers. I feel I am qualified to write about this for a number of reasons- I am a lady (yes, a lady...and a very classy one at that), I am also a driver.

In the state of North Carolina we are forced to take an extensive class that last for the greater part of our high school careers. It covers the basics...turn signal, parking, staying between the lines...all the things necessary to become a totally functioning driver. You then proceed to take the road portion of the driving test,  in which the student actually drives, on actual roads. I feel like this is where most girls, and their serious inability to drive begins...

I don't know how many of you remember your driving teacher, but if I remember correctly I was more qualified to instruct this portion than my actual instructor was. Mr. Willy was a 87 year old man, whose feet could barely touch the passenger side brakes, he wore your standard Coke Bottle glasses....

I'm not kidding, he seriously looked like this. 



This man, as sweet as he was, had more interest in flirting with sixteen year old me, than making sure I could drive. You could tell this man just wanted a friend, because let's be honest, sixteen year old me...not super cute..
...But really...

Judging by the looks of my hot mess of a sixteen year old self clearly implied how lonely, and desperate this man was for a chatty friend...and let me tell you, Gramps had met his match. We spent a majority of our time chatting about the weather, my hopes and dreams, and how he he fought in some war the we won (whoo america). To be quite honest I have no idea who else was in the car with me those few days, all I know is I had a new friend for life. 

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty awesome driver (references available upon request). I would almost like to consider myself an amateur race car driver...and I'm sure like myself, there are a number of ladies that have worthy driving skills, I however know none of them. 

 Let's skim over the list of drivers in our group of friends...
  • We have one girl who feels like going the speed limit is considered speeding. She also believes that trucks that read "Stay Back 100 yards" really want you to add an extra zero to the end. Needless to say, I wouldn't have her drive my get away car. Many mistake her for an elderly woman, but no. she's twenty-two. 
  • The next on our list has almost killed all of us at least once. The most recent time was on a trip back from a wonderful beach week. Now, I am fully aware of the fact that texting while driving is frowned upon in the state of North Caroline, but sometimes things come up. I understand, and respect that. THAT BEING SAID, when you're on the interstate going SEVENTY MILES AN HOUR with one of your closest friends riding shotty YOU SHOULD NOT DO IT. I'm shocked a cop didn't pull us over, and preform a sobriety test at 10:30 in the morning. She might as well been drunk, or at least I thought she was. 
  • My best friend talegates like its her job. 
  • One of my roommates manged to receive TWO speeding tickets in a six month period, then proceeded to con me into going to her state mandated driving class, in which I wasted a eight hours on a perfectly good Saturday...This same roommate was also almost killed because some dumbass we used to be friends with was unaware that making a successful left turn involved having three traffic free lanes, not two. 


I understand some of us can blame our drivers ed teachers, but when you are the one causing yourself to be a crap driver, you should be taken out back and shot. 

Example: 

  Meet our new neighbor. This is her giant red truck, that she doesn't know how to park. Our apartment complex is built on a solid parking system, to which everyone has their own unspoken assigned spot, she just happens to be taking the spots that belong to me and my roommate. I know it is possible to park a truck this size, my roommates boyfriend does it all the time. 

So please ladies, can we please not make our cases worse? When buy a car to drive, make sure you can ACTUALLY drive it, because if you can't you're making everyone else looks ridic...and lets be real, some of us don't need anymore help with that. 

love, lailz. 

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