Wednesday, June 27, 2012

there is a reason you were fired...

as most of you know for the last two years i've worked as a hostess at an amazing restaurant here in charlotte. after working at the from door for as long as i have, i have been blessed with the honor of seeing all the hot messes that have been hired, and just as quickly let go.
as i am sitting here in class, doing everything in my power to NOT pay attention, i have been reflecting on these previously stated hot messes...so in an attempt to continue my lack of desire to participate in class, i would like to discuss some of the ridiculous decisions made by the, now terminated, people i have worked with.

DISCLAIMER...No real names are used. You can't yell at me :)

- most jobs require a uniform...a very strict uniform, and when you get hired they provide you with the resources you need to obtain this uniform. my uniform at work requires a lovely combination of black dress pants, black belt, and super cute button down shirts (thats a lie). THIS UNIFORM IS NOT HARD TO FOLLOW....that being said, there was this one girl, lets call her Ocho Milla (loosely translated to eight mile, i however referred to her as one of the faces of meth) so when Ocho got hired she was well liked by the staff...little did we know she was bat-shit crazy. Ocho had successfully managed to screw up every aspect of her uniform MULTIPLE times. not only was she unaware of the differences in the colors black, and navy blue but she also did not grasp the concept of deodorant...home girl had to go....

- like i've said before i am a hostess, however i work with a staff of mostly servers so i have a basic idea of how that aspect of the restaurant works...now before everyone i work with yells at me, i'm not saying your job is easy, but i don't think its rocket science. that being said, i feel like some people think it is...i have an amazing management staff, i do however thing we need to edit our hiring process by including an IQ test...
we hired this one girl, she was super super sweet, we'll call her Honey (because after you hear this story you'll want to hug her and say "ohhh honeyyy"). Honey was a super cute girl, they hired her as a server...after being there for about a month she still didn't know the menu, but since she was so sweet they let her stay around and keep studying the menu. At first i thought this was a great idea....it wasn't...there were warning signs no one took into consideration until it was too late...there were so many, but i really only have space for one...
...Honey left her car door open during the entire length of her shift. now, when i say open i don't mean she left it cracked...i mean this girl left her door WIDE open, for hell and half of Georgia to see. the problem i, and many others had with this situation is the logistics of the whole situation...in order for her to manage to leave her door open she had to unaware of what was going on in her life simply based on the location of her car in reference to the front door of the restaurant.
        see what i mean? i bet you said "ohhh honey" in your head.

AND FINALLY....this one might be my favorite....
-This next employee was a total gem. To be quite honest, I can't use the name I normally call her because my other reads my block...So we'll call her Tuesday (here's your hint: See You Next Tuesday.)
...One night Tuesday decided to go out one night, get shawasted, and go on a date with a Cop to a groovy little spot in uptown Charlotte called JAIL. The only number Tuesday had was the number to the restaurant, and thank goodness someone was there to answer her call!
                 
 Sidebar: The person who answered her phone call was probably the worst person to have      answer your "i'm a dumbass, and got a DUI I need phone numbers call". Don't get me wrong, I loved our kitchen manager, however, he is not the person i want when i'm trying to pull the sympathy card.

When she was finally bail out of the slammer...which caused her to no call/no show on her shift....she decided to go into work and explain herself. I'm sure you can imagine how that conversation went. I like to play it out in my head something like this

(When you read Tuesdays lines please read them using the voice of Roz from Monsters Inc. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtWBlDC2-ss if you need a reference.)
Tuesday: OH MYYY GOD, i'm so sorry i missed my shift...for a totally legit reason.
Management:  blah blah blah you're a moron. it's 5:30 in the evaning...on a tuesday, do you seriously smell like shitty Merlot?
Tuesday: WHATTT? no. it's my new prison smell.
Management: you're a moron, but since we're good people we'll give you two weeks to find another job.
Tuesday: blah blah blah i'm a moron.

Look at the wonderful management stuff given Tuesday a helping hand! I bet you can't guess what Tuesday did just the next day...She got so hammered she over slept her shift and didn't show up for work again!
what a winner! This doesn't even included the series of ridiculous events that is her personal life...Including, but not limited to: passing out in the front seat of her car in the wrong drive way, being fired from another job for the same reason, getting busted about lying about her age, having a gay man tell her he has a better chance with a straight man, getting kick out of numerous peoples houses- specifically for her stinky feet and  atom bomb farts.



Looking back at the few that I've mentioned today i've realized something...whenever i feel like i'm having a bad day, just think about these people and it'll turn things around.

xoxo

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