Monday, February 6, 2012

i need to find a rock, and just stay under it.

Public. Public is a place people can congregate openly. Public is where you are free to be who you are, and the world embraces it. Public, public. for the people. by the people. 

that being said, public is not the place to do non-public things. perfect example: you do not empty your bladder in public, that is, in fact something that is frowned upon. i'm going to take a guess, and this is a long shot, and say this is why they created public restrooms. 

the public restroom is a wonderful creation, it was created so the public could take part in out of home activities without natures call impeding on their time out and about. 

some places have big bathrooms, some places have little bathrooms, but all in all everywhere has a bathroom. 

all that being said, lets get down to business (pun intended)...

in a perfect world i would be able to go outside and only interact with a select few. this is clearly not a perfect world (they let Madonna perform at the Superbowl, get real america). because of this not so perfect world i am forced to live day to day not knowing what moron is going to jump out and, in Chuck Norris fashion, roundhouse kick the crap out of my afternoon. 

As a woman i know the ups and downs of make-up. i know touch ups are necessary. i also know that anyone who carries around a curling iron in their purse deserves to be voted off the planet....
I was at lunch, in a public place. this place had a public bathroom. this public bathroom was clearly made for quick trips. one sink, no counter, and the i'm pretty sure my iphone screen was bigger than the mirror, yet there were two stalls (add this to the list of things that blow my mind). there was clearly only room for one person in that bathroom, and i had to make my move. i go in, do what i need to do, then as a clean member of society i decide to wash my hands. 
i get in line behind what looks to be an imitation Dolly Parton. She stand there touching up her eyes, her lips, and all the other plastic body parts attached to her face. i literally stood there for five minutes waiting in her to finish. after a solid seven minutes i thought to myself "maybe she just doesn't know you're behind her."...once this thought crossed my mind i then took upon myself to suffer from a tuberculosis like coughing fit. i assumed she would notice me, and be on her merry way...

FALSE.

Dolly turned around, smiled at me, and told me i should really get my cough looked at. as if that wasn't enough she then proceeds to pull a CURLING IRON out of her purse, and plug it into the wall. i was at a loss for words. me. no words. when does that ever happen? 
she then curled her hair while i stood there in shock, she even got a little hair spray on my face....

just when i though i had just endured the most ridiculous public bathroom experience in my life, once Mrs. Parton packed up her big 'ole bag of tricks and walks out, she stops halfway out the doors, turns around and looks at me...(this is the best part)...and says "patience is a virtue young lady."

i have now loss what little faith i had for the public, and Dolly Parton. 

No comments:

Post a Comment